He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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