if you like me you must not know who I am
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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