So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
