What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
