He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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