I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
she peed on how many people?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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