and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize