So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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