Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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