whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
