i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
