Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
