There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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