she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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