Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
The police scanner is talking about you again....
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
