She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
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