shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
