One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
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