she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
