I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
