NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
