4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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