So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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