I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
