I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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