Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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