The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
