dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
It's blow job season.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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