The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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