Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
