One girl and one boy is just not enough.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
