apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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