I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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