The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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