She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
