If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
my being single is dangerous.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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