God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
