a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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