So drunk, too bad you don't want this
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
