I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
