i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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