I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
