lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
