I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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