i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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