I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
