Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
