He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
