so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
