I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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