I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
