I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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