1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
