I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
No subtext here. People are naked.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
