I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
