now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
