I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
