I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
