i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
