i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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