Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
