...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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