Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize