Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Randomize
