birth control should be required to get into college
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
