I am in a vortex of obligation.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
